Ask Amie: 7 Tips For Finding Love That Lasts
When you've been unlucky in love, Valentine's Day tends to bring an onslaught of unsolicited dating advice from every corner. Fair warning: There's more up ahead, but unlike the kind you receive from well-intentioned family, friends and flower commercials, we've asked local dating coach and master certified life and relationship expert Amie Leadingham for a few practical tips on how to take the bow and arrow into your own hands and find the kind of love that lasts. Or, at least set expectations when you hit up Tinder for a Valentine's Day hookup.
I know some of you out there are not going to believe me for writing this, but here it is… dating can be fun! There I wrote it. Some of you out there may not believe me, but I know that once you’ve picked up the necessary skills and tools in how to date, the fun can begin. I am going to introduce you to an exciting dating paradigm to help you get out of your comfort zone and start finding the quality dating candidates you not only want, but deserve.
The paradigm I am talking about is called “Being the Chooser.” What does this mean? Simply, instead of waiting to be CHOSEN, you become the CHOOSER of the relationship you want.
Here are the basic precepts:
1. Recognize that you do have choices. You just don’t take whatever comes your way!
2. Take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes. If you end up in, what I like to call, a “BTN = better than nothing" relationship, then take responsibility because, at the end of the day, you always had a choice.
3. Don’t react to who chooses you when dating. You make the choice if you want to continue dating this person based on your similar core values and what you want in a relationship.
4. Seek to create what you want in your life and love. You know exactly who you are, what you want, and what you need to do to get it!
5. Take risks without fear or worry of failure. You get out of your comfort zone, try new things, and meet new people without attachment of outcomes. You enjoy life and you experience it.
6. Be assertive and ask for what you want, and say "no" to what you don't want, in order to make room for what you DO want.
7. Be positive about dating and always anticipating success. Even if things didn’t work out, you are able to see the learning lesson from each experience.
The perfect fit is when you get exactly what you want. “Love doesn’t find you, instead you find love.”
Ultimately, this all comes down to you having a positive outlook and recognizing that you DO in fact have choices in every situation. Dating with intention and purpose will help you attract a quality partner without settling for less because it was your choice all along the way.